A small pendant hangs around her neck...
The image of St. Christopher molded into it's surface. His back hunched over burdened by the weight of a small child he carries upon it. He treads the deep and dangerous waters that lie ahead with this small child in toe, trying his best to protect him, unaware of who he is. With each passing moment, each step, the child, who was said to be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, becomes heavier; the river turbulence becomes more powerful. Legend has it the small child was Jesus.
The pendant captures my glance daily, the way it lays over her heart, the way she softly rubs her thumb over the top of it when she is deep in thought. She has become quite attached to it, having received it, in a small jewelry box with a few of her late Great Grandmother's earthly possessions. Why she chose this piece, I'm unsure, but the legend drew me in, just as the piece seems to have spoken to her.
Though the weight we bear together is heavy, I will continue to walk with her upon my back, just as the legend of St. Christopher so boldly did carrying both our king and the weight of the world. For I know what we carry together can be survived, but bearing the weight of a world without her would surely sink me deep below the water's surface.
***
My child is not Jesus and the weight she carries is not that of the world that she made, but the weight of the world that was made for her. At times each step we take feels heavier, the waters ahead more treacherous. I try each day to carry those burdens for her, but with progressive disease being her heavy weight, there is only so much I can physically lift from her.
The bank of our river was unclear as we crossed into it. As time has passed we become more and more aware there is no other side to our raging river. There is only time when the water we tread is still, allowing us to gasp for air, catch our breath, and times when it seems as though we will surely be swept away.
"Carry me safely to my destined place just as you carried Christ in your strong embrace."
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